Leaving You Leaving Me
by Ruthyroo
Summary: A one shot after tonight's E4 episode. Stendan.


**Leaving You Leaving Me :)**

**Brendan**

I've tried to make it work really I have, but seeing ye nearly die and watching another man look after ye has made me realize that ye won't be coming back to me anytime soon. I have to get away and start a fresh, maybe one day I can fall in love again like ye have. Life is too short and I want to make the most of mine and I can't do that in your shadow. Telling ye that I'm leaving will be hard but knowing that ye will easily let me go will hit me even harder. I know ye have moved on, I've seen every stage of it right before my eyes. I've watched ye grow and become a better man, I've watched ye fall in love and settle down. I know that I'm just someone that ye used to know and maybe someone that you'd like to forget now.

I'm gonna have to sell the flat but ye won't have to worry, ye can still stay here, I'd never see ye with nowhere to go, I do have a heart regardless of what ye may think. I have to tell ye myself, I can't let ye hear it from Chez or anyone else for that matter, it has to come from me. I stare at your door for about ten minutes before I finally pluck up the courage to knock. See the thing is it's hard for me seeing ye and Douglas together as a family, It's the one thing that never gets easier. Ye don't seem too happy that I'm stood at your door and I wonder why when we seem to be getting on so much better lately. Maybe I'm just interrupting your evening with Douglas, ye are newlyweds after all.

I ask ye how you're getting on, ye reassure me that your fine and I tell ye that I'm selling the flat, that I'm leaving and ye face well its unreadable. Ye moan about having rights but ye should know that I'd never put ye out on the street…my intentions are to keep everything the same. Ye will just have a different landlord; no doubt ye will both be happy about that. Douglas tries to say his bit, but I'm not answering to him, he's nothing to me and I'm not going to play nice with him anymore. I wanted ye to show some kind of emotion, I guess I wanted ye to tell me not to go and that ye couldn't imagine your life without me. All ye did was thank me for letting ye know, I suppose I'm just a fool to think that ye would do anything else. I never wanted it to be this way; I thought we'd make it one day, ye know despite everything. I know that i'll always love ye. I can't believe I'm leaving it all behind now, I can't believe I'm leaving ye.

**Ste**

I thought married life was going to be perfect but then we haven't had the best starts, I call it teething problems; Doug seems to think it's the end of the world, but he worries too much, it's just the way he is. It's been great with Doug and the kids even though a part of me still craves you and your touch, but I've learned how to suppress my feelings and I'm getting quite good at it now. I thought that you would have come to visit me more in hospital, I thought that I meant something to you, I forget it was all such a long time ago and you've clearly moved on now. If you still loved me like I once thought, you would have tried to stop the wedding wouldn't you? We have so much history together and although I have Doug, I still want you in my life and I know that is selfish of me, but to live in a world where I don't see your face terrifies me.

Just when I think things can't get any more messed up, Doug confesses to me that he tried to set you up on our wedding day, my memory still hasn't come back to me and I can't take it all in. Why can't he just leave you alone, you are out of our life's, isn't that enough. I hear a knock at the door and somehow I know it's you, I can feel it's you and true enough you are stood before me as I open the door. For a second I make believe that you are coming home to me after a night at the club, but reality soon hits me and I try to act distant, sometimes it's the only way. You enter the flat and acknowledge Doug straight away, which is more than he deserves and nothing could prepare me for what came next. You tell me your selling the flat and already I'm panicking, I can't be homeless, I have kids.

But deep down I know you wouldn't do that, I know there is something else you need to get off your chest. You tell me that I can stay in the flat, that all that would change is you not being the landlord and I don't know what to say to that. You give me a little speech about life being too short and that you're moving on and then it hits me what you're trying to say and I find myself suppressing the massive wave of emotion that is brewing up inside of me. How did it ever come to this? I stay strong in front of you and give you my best poker face; you have just broken my heart for the last time. You see yourself out and I slouch back down in my chair. Doug is asking me if we still have a future together and all I can think about is you. I have never stopped loving you. I can't believe you're leaving it all behind now, I can't believe you're leaving me.

**Let me know what you think :) xx xxx xx**


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